Can't Help Myself
by AngryLittlePrincess
Summary: I watched over her while she slept for hours and that why I'm here, wide awake at 3:30 in the morning in Teresa Lisbon's bed. Lisbon's promotion just sealed my unanswered questions. I'm following this woman anywhere in the world just to give ourselves the chance that we both deserve. A chance to start over again and a chance to finally live the lives we both desire.
1. Can't Help Myself

**AN: Hey guys! Happy Holidays and all that. There are so many things going on in my head that the only way to calm things down a smidge was to write something down. Somewhere deep down in my heart, The Mentalist never ended for me and I love imagining different scenarios for Jane and Lisbon; what could've happen, what should've happened and anything silly that comes to mind. This happens to be of the latter category. Thanks for giving my messy brain a shot and I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I own all the mistakes and I'm too tired to change them. For that, I do apologize. Enjoy!**

* * *

 _Can't sleep tonight,_

 _'cause you're on my mind_

 _I guess I'm in love once again_

 _Gaze at a star,_

 _Cause that's what you are_

 _You light up my life once again_

Sleep has never been my friend. I look to the side to where I know the digital numbers of the alarm clock is flashing how much less hours I will have of sleep tonight. 3:30 am and I'm still wide awake. It's really not a surprise anymore being awake at this time. After losing my late wife and daughter, my life, my whole world was flipped upside down and inside out. I didn't sleep, eat nor bathe anymore. Disgusting, I know but I stopped caring. My sole reason of living was gone. Murdered. Nights were sleepless and lonely; empty. Tonight, I am sleepless for a different reason. I have been mulling this thought over and over for a long time and I usually set it aside, deeming it a distraction. Things are different now, I'm finally letting go of the past and I'm slowly accepting that my family will never return even if I were to start crying blood.

Red John is gone.

I never planned what my life without him would be like. I did not expect to still be in this world, breathing. That's part of why I'm still up and scrambling my brains for my next move. I always know what the next step usually is and now I'm clueless. It is like having the rug beneath your feet pulled in one swift move and you're left freaking out not to fall and break something. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next. Do I leave the CBI? Do I pack up all my things and sell my house? Or do I stay?

What would Lisbon say?

 _I'll take this chance for another romance in my life,_

 _'cause you're all that I need_

Lisbon.

Since I'm being honest to myself here, the biggest part of why I can't sleep is due to this woman. I've loved her for the most part that we've been partners. I have been forced to never look more into what we can be before because it was very dangerous. Contrary to the public's belief, I never liked putting the people I love in harm's way. I don't want her blood on my hands too and so I pretend to be aloof and cold.

Teresa Lisbon is not your average girl. It wasn't easy to keep my distance when the person you're trying to avoid wouldn't have any of the crap you're trying to pull. Who the hell am I kidding? I'm in her bed for Pete's sake!

Let's go back to that in a little bit.

She's so sweet and loving. I tried so hard to keep her away but she's a persistent little lady. She pushes her way in until she knows I'm doing better and she never leaves until she's convinced. But tonight, I'm the one doing the comforting. Recently, she's been acting out of the norm. She's been down, mopey and a little stand off-ish so I weaseled my way into spending dinner with her. I brought the cheesiest and meatiest pizza Sacramento has to offer and pounded on her door.

I heard the shuffling inside and the doorknob jiggled a few seconds after. I was greeted by the sight of Lisbon in her favorite football jersey, hair disheveled and eyes a little red and puffy. Her mouth opened to start asking questions but I didn't wait for her invitation and I let myself in. I walked into the living room and placed the pizza box down on the coffee table noticing the blanket on the couch and the tv in front, muted. I turned around and I see Lisbon behind me, arms crossed with a confused and annoyed look just for me, I stepped closer to her and opened my arms, engulfing her in a hug.

I had one hand caressing her back and the other combing through her hair but what I didn't expect was for her to cry again. "Lisbon," I said to her but all I got was more tears, "Teresa, what's wrong?" Her sobs got louder so I did the reasonable thing, I hugged her tighter.

 _I can't help myself from falling in love_

 _With somebody like you_

 _Cause your feelings are true_

I don't know how long she cried for. All I know is that I held her the entire time. She wiped away the remaining tears from her eyes and took a step back from me. "I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me." She then turned away and sat on the couch and I followed her, sitting right by her side.

"What's wrong, Lisbon?"

"I don't know how to tell you this and I also don't want to beat around the bush so I'll just come out with it," she started fiddling with her fingers and looked at them.

I put both my hands on top of her freezing ones to get her attention back.

She looked back up at me, her emerald eyes gazed into mine as she said, "The FBI offered me a leadership position I cannot refuse last week."

I squeezed her hand and said, "That's amazing, congratulations!" when she didn't respond how I expected her to, my heart sank though I didn't show it. "What else aren't you telling me?"

She looked abashed for a moment and then whispered the words, "The position is in Austin, Texas."

I guess that was the time my façade dropped because she pulled one of her hand from under mine and next thing I knew she was wiping a tear running down my cheek.

"Jane, you're my best friend and we've been partners for so long. I wanted to tell you first before you find out from someone else. I -" I cut her off before she could even finish her thought. "It's now or never," I thought to myself.

I captured her face in between my palms, closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against hers, I hear her gasp. I brush my nose against hers and I was surprised she nuzzled in and reciprocated the gesture.

 _Can't help myself_

 _From falling in love_

 _For I can't help myself_

 _From falling for you_

"Lisbon," I took a breath before continuing, I can smell her scent so close to me. FOCUS JANE, I berated myself mentally, "Teresa, the entire time I've known you, I've been scared, scared for you, scared for me but mostly for you. After getting to know you more each day, it has been quite difficult to stay away from you. I know you don't believe me but people who are close to me are targeted one by one courtesy of Red John. I didn't want you to be one of them. I don't want another woman that I love be murdered by him."

She pulled away from me causing me to open my eyes and staring into her deep pools of green.

"You-you-you what?" she asked, clearly overwhelmed.

"I love you Teresa."

She still didn't quite believe me and I know it was going to come down to this at some point. Holding her hands again, I put mine on top slowly. Removing the wedding ring that Angela once put there years before to show Teresa where I truly stand with her. "I want you to have this, Teresa." I placed it in her palm and closed her fingers around it.

"But Jane, this is your ring." She said dumbfounded.

I just shake my head at her trying to wrap things around her head as I sneak my right hand into my pocket for a small box. "And this one is yours, Teresa." I opened the little jewelry box that contained a simple silver band encrusting a dark emerald in the middle. "This is my promise ring for you. I love you, Teresa and I hope you would let me show you just how much."

She didn't respond. Her tears came back full force this time and tackle hugged me, pinning me against the couch. I hugged her as tight as I can and placing little kisses against her hair till she quieted down. Minutes later, I nudged Teresa to get a reaction out of her and nothing. The even breathing I hear clued me in that all her crying exhausted her. I maneuvered us both so I can get away from her grip and off of the couch.

Looking over her, I couldn't help myself. I stroked her nose with the pad of my index finger and as expected, she scrunched her cute little nose. "Patrick, let's go to bed." She mumbled in her sleep.

 _All day I pray,_

 _That forever you'll stay,_

 _And won't let our love fade away._

 _Hear what I say,_

 _Whatever comes away_

 _We'll be together come what may._

I'm never really good at following orders but this one, I'll willingly comply. I scooped Teresa up with one arm under her knees and the other supporting her back. I pulled her close to me and she instinctively wrapped her arms around my neck and I just couldn't help smiling down at her. She's so light and I know I would have to remedy that. I would cook her all the meals she was too lazy to cook for herself. "I'll take good care of you from now on, Teresa. I'm really sorry, sweetheart."

After tucking her in her bed, I moved to let her rest alone because I know she deserves an undisturbed rest. When I turn to leave, her hand snuck its way out of the blanket and grabbed my wrist, "Stay, Patrick."

Again, I obeyed.

 _I'll take this chance for another romance in my_

 _Life,_

 _'Cause you're all that I need._

I watched over her while she slept for hours and that why I'm here, wide awake at 3:30 in the morning in Teresa Lisbon's bed. Lisbon's promotion just sealed my unanswered questions. I'm following this woman anywhere in the world just to give ourselves the chance that we both deserve. A chance to start over again and a chance to finally live the lives we both desired.

The sheets next to me rustled and when I looked over, Lisbon was blinking her eyes rapidly to chase the sleepiness away. "I'm hungry."

I chuckled loudly at her innocent request, "That would be the result of you crying yourself to exhaustion, my dear." She sat up next to me and weaseled her way into my arms, her back against my chest. Lisbon lifted her left hand up, admiring the ring that is nestled on the third finger.

"Jane, I don't want to go to Austin," she whispered.

"Why would you turn down an opportunity of a lifetime with the FBI?"

She spun in my arms, still looking down at her ring before saying, "Because a better offer came along." She said shyly trying to raise her gaze to meet my eyes.

I shook my head for the numerous times this woman's selflessness just overpowers me, "Silly woman!"

I grabbed her face just like last time but the only difference is, I didn't want to nuzzle her nose anymore. I went right in for the kill and kissed her adorable mouth senseless.

After a few minutes of making out, we came up for air, "What are you trying to say, Patrick Jane?" she spat out. "This isn't some kind of scene from a 1955 movie where you kiss me and all the things turn into some happy ending and fade away."

Wait- she's mad? Why is she mad?

"Lisbon, my telling you of my affections is never a joke. You are the only woman I love aside from Angela. I would never use this as some kind of worm to lure in the fish, so to speak." I held her at arm's length, "I love you, Teresa, I do and I'll follow you anywhere. You don't have to give up this amazing opportunity just so we can be together. It's my turn to give you the world, Teresa like what you've done for me for the past decade. I have nothing else to tie me down here in California aside from you. If you want to go to Texas tomorrow, be my guest, sweetheart and I'll be on the seat next to you on the flight there."

 _I can't help myself_

 _From falling in love_

 _With somebody like you,_

 _'Cause your feelings are true._

 _Can't help myself_

 _From falling in love_

 _For I can't help myself..._

 _From falling for you_

I kissed her again. Slowly this time, savoring every second my lips envelopes her cute little pout. I raked my fingers into her dark chocolate hair and marveled at the softness of the strands. I hear her moan as I massage her scalp. I was about to kiss her deeper when I heard her stomach growl and I let out another laugh. Grabbing her hand, I ushered her off the bed and into the kitchen, "Let's feed that monster in you before we continue anything."

After feeding Teresa three slices of pizza, we talked about the little things and bantered like it was any other day at the CBI, never letting the pressure of uprooting our lives and starting over in a new city put a damper on our new found happiness. We headed back to Lisbon's room and this time around, I'm ready to let all the uncertainties drop and let sleep take me in. With Teresa wrapped in my arms, I don't have to fear for what tomorrow brings because I know I'm facing it with her.

Austin, here we come.

 _I've never felt this love_

 _Until you came_

 _In my mind._


	2. When You Say Nothing At All

Disclaimer: I don't own squat.

A/N: I'm baaack! thank you so much for the reviews, faves and follows. I'm here again because I can't sleep. Same old, same old, right? I actually had this halfway written the moment I posted Cant Help Myself but I was stuck for a while. When I wanted to start writing again, my stupid laptop wont turn on. It's finally up and I actually planned for a third and 4th chapter, I just don't know if my fingers are up to it yet. It will all be continuous but obviously different songs. Let me know what you think. Happy late Jisbon wedding anniversary! Huge thanks to my niece for making the icon for me. She's amazing! Mistakes are mine as usual, hope you enjoy!

* * *

 _It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart_

 _Without saying a word you can light up the dark_

 _Try as I may I could never explain_

 _What I hear when you don't say a thing_

"Teresa!" I called out from the front door of her apartment. Lisbon was rounding the corner when she heard me calling for her.

When she saw me bearing two cups of steaming beverages, she knew she had to overlook the fact that I picked the lock again. "Damn, this man," she cursed internally and shook her head. I love making this woman tick, her nose scrunches up and the space between her brows twitch.

She grabbed the cup I was offering to her and headed to the living room and parked herself on the couch with me following right behind her. Before she could ask what I was doing in her apartment so early in the morning, she picked up on my silence or some micro expression on my face that I wasn't quick enough to hide. When I'm around her, I don't want to hide anymore but it's been a habit since back in the carnie days to hide all the unwanted feelings I don't want brought up.

Lisbon is different. We're planning on rebuilding our future together once we set foot in Austin. I didn't bother schooling my features again and just showed her just how uncomfortable I am.

"What's wrong, Jane?" It was never unusual for either of them to pick up on the other's mood. Even before my confession, I always knew when something was bothering her and same goes for her. We had that comfortable silence down after a few years of working together but today's silence was different compared to the ones we shared before.

"I'm selling the Malibu house," was my only reply.

A week has passed since I brought pizza over to Lisbon's, a week after I revealed my feelings and intentions toward the dear Special Agent Teresa Lisbon. In those seven days, we barely spent time apart. I was over at Lisbon's for most of the time to help her pack for the upcoming move. When I wasn't over at Lisbon's apartment, I flew down to Malibu to hire a painter and finish the job I could never start nor finish. Going back to the familiar neighborhood brought a pang to my chest but before coming down, I called an old friend, Charlie Michaels, about selling the Malibu house he once introduced me to.

Charlie is one of the few close friends I have after the carnie getaway; he was my caretaker for most of my offshore properties and the other few in the states from all the money I got from scamming people. We've come a long way from those days but we'll always have those to remind us of what's more to come.

After telling Lisbon about my plans with the house, I knew I didn't have to explain anything further. She reached for my cheek, her thumb rubbing the flesh back and forth and she nodded her understanding. It also went without saying that if I needed her, she'd be on the first plane out. I sometimes forget how intuitive she is; all I ever focused on was having the upper hand and never really appreciating what she brought to the investigations. I always had to be king of things and that will have to change now, I have a queen to please.

It was tough decision for me to let the property go. It was where Angela and I started to build our lives out of the carnie together; it was also where Charlotte took her first steps and ultimately, her last. I bit back the painful memory and lingered more towards the positive. The house doesn't bring me the same joy it once did. It's just an empty house now and walking up to its pavement didn't arouse the same enthusiastic skip in my step as it once did.

This home now feels old, abandoned, and cold; it isn't my home anymore. It was wherever a five feet four inches brunette was. This is a big part in staring over and selling the house would never mean I would forget the memories I have made here. It was just about time that I need to let go of what happened with my late family and try to live the life they would've wanted for me. With that in mind, I smiled a little.

 _The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_

 _There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me_

 _The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall_

 _You say it best when you say nothing at all_

"Do you want to take the window or the middle seat?" I asked Lisbon as we boarded the plane that would take us to our new beginning.

"12B is fine with me, you can take the window seat," she smiled warmly.

My heart fluttered a little as she stuffed her carryon above her and let me get to my seat first. Before takeoff, I got myself comfortable against the window and lifted the arm rest separating me from Lisbon. I reached for her and hugged her to my much larger chest, ignoring the knowing look our companion from the aisle seat was giving us. She burrowed herself against my side to search for a relaxing position for her nap and just like that, she was asleep with her head on my shoulders. I kissed her forehead and closed my eyes as well.

 _All day long I can hear people talking out loud_

 _But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd_

 _Old Mr. Webster could never define_

 _What's being said between your heart and mine_

We pulled up in front of a two story ivory contemporary house with glass railings for the balcony and I can feel Teresa's eyes grow as wide as my teacup's saucer. I placed my right hand gently on top of hers and slowly entwined my fingers with hers, enjoying the warmth her hand provided. I leaned over the console of the car and whispered, "You'll grow to love it, Teresa," in her ear. Her shoulders relaxed visibly.

* * *

When they entered the house with all their suitcases, Lisbon looked around the house to see that it was already furnished, not completely but the essentials were there. The house was something Lisbon wasn't used to. It was very sleek and modern, a far cry from what her apartment used to be and nothing like the house she grew up in back in Chicago. "Jane, doesn't it look a bit big for one person to live in?"

He just shook his head at her. _Oh dear Teresa, if only you knew of my plans for this house, you would never think it too small._

"I want to set some roots here close to you and you haven't had any luck with apartments here yet so you can take the guestroom and make yourself at home," I dangled the keys in front of her. "Charlie flew out after I met him in Malibu to settle this house. He also got me some of the furniture that I wanted so you have nothing to worry about."

"But- but isn't this a little too fast?" Lisbon hesitated for a little bit, she couldn't believe this wonderful house will be her temporary place while she gets settled in her new job. To top it all off, she's sharing the house with her long time best friend/ new boyfriend. It was so spacious and she couldn't wait to add a homier touch to the whole house.

"No, Teresa. We've known each other for a long time and I spent most of those times in your couch or your spare bedroom, this isn't that different from that. Unless of course you decide to make it a permanent deal." He said with a huge grin on his face.

 _The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_

 _There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me_

 _The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall_

 _You say it best when you say nothing at all_

Usually, Teresa Lisbon would've freaked out by now. Sharing a house with a man was a huge commitment, even more so that the man in involved was Patrick Jane. When Greg proposed before, she said, "Yes", having been caught in the moment but gave the ring back the next day with a clear direction of California and goals for her future career. This time is different though, yes, she was scared of the multiple changes that are happening but it is what she's been waiting for almost a decade now. Teresa Lisbon wanted a life with Patrick Jane, they were no longer in their twenties with the opportunity to explore and waste time. They were both in agreement with that.

"Let me put it this way, it's like testing the product and returning it if you aren't satisfied in the end. You deserve the best in the world, Teresa. Let me give you that, let me spoil you rotten." He said, effectively bringing her back to the present.

She never responded. She didn't need to, the smile on her face was all he needed.

 _The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_

 _There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me_

 _The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall_

 _You say it best when you say nothing at all_

 _Like hell would I ever let you go, Teresa._


End file.
